I've dealt with enough
I can't handle this
Keep climbing until you reach the sky
I'm beginning not to care
It gets harder and harder without you
Over and over again
You're always out there, in the dark
Out of sight, a phantom in the day
In the bed without a face
Or is it my imagination?
Whoa, I'm beginning not to care!
Going back in the circle again
Oh, you were never there
You used to be the wings when I fell
The air to my lungs
But now you're gone...
When I checked the messages
It said you were in the clinic
Your car flipped over in flames
If only you were really there...
Were I ever what you wanted?
Maybe this wouldn't have happened
Did I really care?
Were I ever what you wanted?
Are you still in the dark?
Do you see the light?
You used to be the wings when I fall
The air to my lungs
Oh, you were never there...
A part of me is gone
But know you've left
If only you were in the picture...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
hey there, nice lyrics! the thing which i seemed to notice was that the song is not written out properly. you need to show where the stanza's are, the chorous etc. ofcourse the others pointed it out. i might be harsh but i really don't think that the song is written properly. i don't understand it frankly. it seemed like you were tryin to tell a story but how you presented it was very vague. it just seemed like you were writing the same thing on and on. really, you should try to write longer lyrics and mainly the chorous should be the most unforgettable part. just keep this in mind when writing future songs. best of luck !!
-buddy
Well, it was in stanzas when it was being typed, then when I submitted, it was all separate.
Sorry guys. Also, yes, on the chorus, it just goes straight through.
Yeah, so I agree with Snoink. It would be incredibly helpful to organize your lyrics into stanzas and show where the chorus is or a bridge. This way too the lyrics won't be mistaken for just a poem. It's would also be easier to analyze the rhyme scheme too. I feel like the last 10 or 12 lines would make a good chorus. Some lines I was a little confused about what you were trying to portray and some words flowed better than others. Still, nice job. Keep on writing!
Hey Kat! I'm not really good with lyrics, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Hopefully, I'll help you!
One of the things that I was wondering about was where the chorus was. I mean, traditionally, songs have repeating choruses that are usually pretty catchy, but yours had none! That was kind of a surprise. So definitely add a chorus of sorts. Otherwise, I think this would be an excellent song, especially for pop.